Doctor humor

我曾经有多重人格，但我们现在感觉很好。

Once I had multiple personalities, but now we are feeling well.

我不为疯狂苦恼，我享受每一分钟。

I don''t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute.

我过去常常犹豫不决，现在我不肯定。

I used to be indecisive. Now I''m not sure.

作为一个精神分裂患者最大的好处是我从不孤单。

The best thing about being schizophrenic is that I''m never alone.

一个小伙子进去看心理医生，“我好象和别人交不了朋友，你能帮帮我吗：你这头胖猪。”

A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, It seems I can''t make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?

创新句子：我是真心和你交朋友，你傻乎乎的该知足了。

A：医生，快点儿，我儿子吞了一个刮胡子刀片。

B：别慌，我马上就到，你做了什么没有？

A：我用电动剃须刀刮了胡子。

Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor-blade.

Don''t panic, I''m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet ?

Yea, I shaved with the electric razor

病人手术后醒过来，外科医生对他说，“恐怕还要给你做次手术，我把橡胶手套落你肚里了。”

“如果就这点儿事儿，你让我安静会儿吧，我给你手套钱。”

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated: I''m afraid we''re going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.

Well, if it''s just because of them, I''d rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.

医生：我有一条坏消息和一条非常坏的消息。

病人：还是先给我说坏消息吧。

医生：你的检查结果出来了，你只能活24小时了。

病人：24小时，太可怕了，还有什么比这更糟糕的呢？非常坏的消息是什么？

医生：从昨天我就一直在找你。

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.

Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.

Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What''s the very bad news?

Doctor: I''ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.

一个人最近感觉不好，就去看医生，想做次全面体检，看看是不是病了。体检后医生拿着检查结果出来了。

“恐怕不是什么好消息，你快死了，没有多少时间了，”医生说。

“太可怕了，我还能活多长时间？”这人问。

“10…”医生说。

“10什么？月？星期？还是什么？”病人急切地问。

“10， 9， 8，……”

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn''t been feeling well and wants to find out if he''s ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.

I''m afraid I have some bad news. You''re dying and you don''t have much time, the doctor says.

Oh no, that''s terrible. How long have I got? the man asks.

10... says the doctor.

10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?! he asks desperately.

10...9...8...7...

女人说自己浑身上下哪儿都疼，她用中指摸了一下右膝喊，“疼“，摸了一下左脸又喊”疼”，医生给她做了全面检查说，“你手指头断了。”

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, Ow, that hurts. Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, Ouch! That hurts, too. Then she touched her right earlobe, Ow, even THAT hurts, she cried.

The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, You have a broken finger.

医生告诉我两星期他就能让我下地。

“他行吗？”

“为了付帐单我不得不卖了汽车。”

The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks.

And did he?

Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill.