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囧:前妻婚纱的十种妙用

来源:天星 更新日期:2011-11-03 点击:

When my wife of almost 12 years moved out of our Tucson home in 2009 I was in bad shape. We had been together since high school. I was shocked when she left that she refused to take her wedding dress. After all what was I going to do with it? And for some time I did nothing with it and didn't tell anyone about it. I just left it on its perch in my closet as a reminder that my life was changing drastically.

两年前——2009年——当我妻子搬出我们在图森的家时,我的心情糟糕透了,要知道我们从高中就在一起,已经12年了。更要命的是,她走的时候把婚纱给留下——她不要。那么,我又能拿它干什么呢?此后有段日子我只是看着它发呆,也没有告诉任何人婚纱的事。我把它放在衣橱的上层,好像为了提醒自己——我的生活已彻底地改变了。

I was at my parents' house for dinner one night when I first mentioned the dress to anybody. I told my parents and my brother and sister-in-law that I had my ex-wife's wedding dress because I wanted to know what to do with it. I wanted advice. "You should wipe your @$% with it " my brother Colin chimed in immediately. I believe someone else suggested it would make a good doormat. My divorce had taken a toll on all of us; everybody was upset that my ex-wife was leaving me. "I bet you could come up with 101 things to do with it " my sister-in-law Jenny said.

某个夜晚,我在父母家里吃晚餐,哥哥科林还有他的妻子杰妮也在。我刚向他们第一次提及婚纱的事,“别再旧事重提——你该忘了她,”科林立刻打断我。其实我不过是想听听他们的建议,我该怎么办?也许会有人说不如把它放在门口做个地垫。我离婚的事给了家里人沉重的一击,每个人为了前妻离开我而心情沮丧。“我打赌你可以找到101种方法处理它。”杰妮说。

I wasn't in a great mood that night. I was really struggling with my divorce and was extremely stressed about the future for my kids and I. But I couldn't help but smirk at the thought of my ex-wife's wedding dress sitting outside my front door -- what a fancy doormat it would make. I started to imagine other absurd uses for the dress and before I knew it someone had grabbed a pen and some paper and we were writing them down.

那晚我心情很差,离婚已经让我筋疲力尽,对于孩子和我将来的生活忧心忡忡。但是一想到我前妻的婚纱躺在大门口——一个多么不同凡响的地垫的时候,又抑止不住地得意的大笑。我开始想象除此之外其他蹂躏这件衣服的方式,该拿只笔和纸,把它们写下来。

For a while all of our ideas made nothing more than a list. We had no real plan to do anything with them. My brother encouraged me to take the dress on a weekend fishing trip we had planned and it was on that trip that the dress came out if its pretty preservation box for the first time. That weekend we used it as a tablecloth a sleeping bag and a doormat outside of my buddy Andy's camper. I had mixed feelings seeing the pristine dress get dirty for the first time but we laughed a lot. We ate hamburgers and hot dogs and wiped our hands on it. We stepped on it entering and exiting the camper.

开始,我只不过把想法列成了一张清单,并没有想真的那么做。我哥哥鼓励我不妨带着它参加一次周末的钓鱼之旅——像我们曾经在清单上写的那样,那是它第一次新鲜出炉。那个周末,我们拿它来当桌布、睡袋,放在我的老伙计安迪的帐篷外面当地垫。第一次看见洁白的婚纱被弄脏了的时候,我涌起某种复杂的情绪难以言表,但真的很痛快。我们坐在上面吃汉堡、热狗、擦手;进出帐篷的时候,不忘擦擦鞋底。

Colin and I got together occasionally and photographed the dress at work in different ways. We had used the dress in around 50 different ways when I started thinking about how to go about sharing my pictures with other people. Colin and I were very entertained by the dress uses we had come up with and two of my friends were also going through divorces at the time -- in both cases the wife wanted out. I thought my pictures could be helpful to guys who found themselves in the same situation. Some friends suggested that I started a blog and with the help of another friend I did just that. In May 2010 I launched www.myexwifesweddingdress.com.

科林和我决定把“婚纱的妙用”用相机拍下来,那时候我们已经有不下50种方式,而且我也想让更多人的看见——我们这些杰作洋洋自得。我的两个朋友当时也正在闹离婚——和我一样,被前妻们抛弃。我想说不定我的照片能对和我处于同样境况的人们有点帮助,一些朋友建议我索性开一个博客,于是在2010年5月,www.myexwifesweddingdress.com上线了。

I knew little about blogs prior to starting my own but I felt that pictures alone wouldn't be enough. I never really intended to tell my divorce story but as I made my first entry I began sharing my feelings about divorce and its challenges. It wasn't hard to type and it felt good. And that is how my website began. Every few days I would share a wedding dress application and continue the story of my divorce. I basically wrote what was on my mind and maybe a particular issue I was challenged with that day. The pictures were funny but the writing was serious.

在开始我自己的网站之前,我对博客知之甚少,但我想仅有照片是远远不够的。我并不想诉说离婚的故事,但是当我第一次登陆自己的网站,我开始在上面分享离婚后的感受,以及那件时以后的种种挑战。其实写下来并不难,而且让我感觉很好。我的网站就这样开始,每隔几天我都会更新一篇“婚纱的妙用”,然后继续写我离婚后的故事。而开始时最难的事,恐怕就是把我脑中的想法表达出来——图片看上去很有趣,但是要描述它们却很难。

My site starting gaining traffic momentum a few days after it launched and before I knew it people were interested in helping me turn my project into something more. After about a year and half and many more dress photo shoots later I completed the book 101 Uses For My Ex-Wife's Wedding Dress which is being published by NAL/Penguin and is officially available on October 25th.

网站上线没多久就获得一些人的关注,我没想到,有那么多人对这个感兴趣。过了一年半左右,我上传了更多“婚纱的妙用”的图片,并且写了一本书——我前妻婚纱的101种用法,这本书将由NAL/Penguin于今年10月25日出版。

Between the book and my website my ex-wife's wedding dress has been used in over 120 different ways. This dress is amazing. It is very dirty at this point but it is still in mostly in one piece (the bow came off early during a jump-roping exercise). I am fond of many of the wedding dress applications but there are a few that stand out about the rest.

其实在我的书和网站上,我前妻的婚纱已经有超过120种的使用方法——很不可思议不是吗?而且它已经变得非常脏,不是一件完整的衣服(上半身和下半身在一次跳绳中被扯成两半)。有许多“婚纱的妙用”我都很喜欢,但其中有几个特别脱颖而出的。

These are my favorite wedding dress applications:

以下是10种我最喜欢的:

1、画布

2、圣诞树“衬裙”

3、给赛车加个滑翔伞

4、渔网

5、斗牛牛篷

6、稻草人

7、加油道具

8、烤肉架罩子

9、超人斗篷

10、头巾

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